he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
