piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
