I wish my penis had an off switch
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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