My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize