Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
