Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
