Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Rumble strips road head = magical
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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