I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
