Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
