I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
