tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
