Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
And then the night went full on bisexual.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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