I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
