I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
