I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
