I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
