Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
