Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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