I wish I could teleport
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
