Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
