im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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