so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize