at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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