I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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