So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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