hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
