i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
