when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think my fart just growled at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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