U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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