I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
