i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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