we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
