Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Your penis caused this!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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