Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize