DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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