At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
