Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
