The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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