That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
