Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
