I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
