There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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