Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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