I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
