he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
