I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
