his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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