If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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