can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
