Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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