I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
