Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
