we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
