took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
