Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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