I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
