I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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