I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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