i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
