Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
