dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
