I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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