Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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