Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
