i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
