You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
