I am in a vortex of obligation.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's no shave November. This is our time.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
