took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
