i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
