we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
