You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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