I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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