her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
