All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
