Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
