Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Even my vagina gasped.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
