shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I wear drunk well.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
