Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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