College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
