My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I smell like Dick and happiness
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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