Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think your dad took our porno
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
