I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
