He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
