i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
