Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
