what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
